Tata (19): “I had a friend with benefits, I felt comfortable in that relationship” – #idecide4myself

This week we’re sharing young people’s stories from all over the world, in which they tell us about their sexual experiences and the role of self-empowerment. Tata (19) from Indonesia feels free to do what she wants when it comes to sex. She does contend with her choice to stay in a relationship in which her boyfriend regularly hits her.

Talking about sex

I don’t find it difficult to talk about sex at all. I don’t find it difficult for example to talk about the gender differences between men and women. I have conversations with my friends about why people want to have sex. I’m also curious about people who haven’t had sex yet, and people who have.

Personal experience

Before my boyfriend I had a friend with benefits, which is a relationship were you can kiss and have sex without any commitment. I felt comfortable in that relationship, it wasn’t awkward. I do experience problems with my current boyfriend, as you can probably see from the bruises. He doesn’t hit me because I don’t want to have sex, but he does if I do something that he doesn’t like. He has a quick temper.

I did break up with him once, but I want him to be happy. I know that it’s stupid, but I love him. I keep hoping that he’s going to change. I want someone else to know this about him, so that if one day I’m no longer here, someone can help him to realise how he makes me feel.

My story of self-empowerment

I’ve only gotten certain information about sex. The only thing I’ve been taught is that you have to use contraception to avoid getting pregnant. I always use a condom with my boyfriend. Some people don’t like how a condom feels, but I’m fine with it. My boyfriend and I have no problems using a condom.

Even though I would like to be more educated about sex, I do feel confident. If I ever had a sex-related problem, I would take responsibility and go to the doctor.

Are you inspired by this story about sex and empowerment?

Research shows that young people who feel empowered are more able to make positive sexual choices. That is why Dance4Life offers an innovative curriculum co-created with young people for young people: the Journey4Life. A journey in which they increase their confidence and feel enabled to make healthy choices about their sex lives and relationships. Dance, music and personal stories are important elements.